Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
