Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is classic penis vs brain.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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