Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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