can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
