when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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