Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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