I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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