last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
