ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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