I just threw up on my dentist
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
how drunk are you?
Several
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
