Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
