My room smells like vodka and shame
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
