Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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