Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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