life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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