How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
