she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
