so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
there is glitter all over my balls
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