theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
