I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
