it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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