apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
