well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
