In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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