Even the bartender felt bad for me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
