went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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