I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
