See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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