I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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