Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i think im in europe. pls send help
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
