Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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