the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
