so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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