She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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