You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
