I am puke
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
