Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
