We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
