Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
