I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
