All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
