im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
