It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
