That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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