Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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