I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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