woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
