I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this beer tastes like vomit already
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
