i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
