When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Everclear isn't food dammit
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
